


Poetry from the heart

by Ilyasviel



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Culpability, Declarations Of Love, Drama & Romance, F/M, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Post-Virmire, Romance, Sorrow and remorse, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 02:22:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9051451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilyasviel/pseuds/Ilyasviel
Summary: What if Ashley got enough time to talk in private with Shepard before leaving her at Virmire? What if she have time to send a letter to Kaidan to give him closure? What if her dream was to see them together at last?





	

**Author's Note:**

> My first try with Fluff and Angst... so sorry if sounds a little bit 'awkard', is hard to me to write in english and I do my best, but I'm sure I made a lot of mistakes and bad conjugations.
> 
> The origin of the story: I always tought that Ashley, being the kind heart she was, had tried to take the load from the shoulders of their friends regarding her dead, and if she can do it, she will make it with some poetry, because I always see her like a romantic person, direct and blunt, but sweet and lovingly.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the story, and if you have any comments or critic, please, don't be shy, I want to improve and the reviews of the readers are always important ^_^
> 
> PS: Merry Xmas!

Shepard was seated on the floor of the comm room, her back against the holo terminal. She dismissed everyone after the meeting, putting her commander face over the last hour, talking with her team and the council. But the pain and sorrow catched with her at last, and she has spent the last ten minutes hugging her legs, the face sunken between her knees, while silent tears rolled over her face.

_“How is it possible? Ashley can’t be dead…”_ She let her to die on Virmire… The team didn’t know of the private channel Ash opened to her, of her last words, but each one of them are tattooed on her very soul: “Faith, I didn’t regret a thing, I lived a full life and knowing that my dead will save you and the rest of the team, is enough for me. But I dream of a life full of love and hope for you, and I know that Kaidan can be the light that guide you over the darkness” she was sobbing soundly while hot tears rained over her cheeks “You have made this last months the happiest of my military life, I feel valued and loved, and I can’t explain how much that means to me. So please, don’t let the mission or the darks days ahead control your life, take what God sends to you and enjoy it. Only remember that ‘The course of true love never did run smooth’, and your path has been difficult, but you earned the right to love and be loved, to have a reason to live and laugh. Embrace the opportunity, for you, for him, and for me, because I will be there taking care of you for as long as you walked among the stars. I love you Faith”

 

She left her to die, and in exchange she fighted with her heart to beat again. Damn Saren, damn the Reapers and the geths for taking off the best friend she ever had since her childhood. 

 

Shepard was so distracted by her own thoughts to listen the sound of the door opening and closing and the gentle steps approaching her. A pair of strong arms hugging her, changing her position until the head was on a hard chest. She didn’t need to open her eyes to knew to whom the arms belong. The soobs left her painfully, the tears still flowing, but she can’t stop it, she feel dead inside, but at the same time she knew that she have to live, for Ashley, but…

A hand stroked her cheeks sweetly, weeping the tears away, the other hand drawing a soothing pattern on her back. She let go of her legs and take a hard grasp of his uniform, moving closer to him, his proximity calming her slowly. He felts it, and moved her over his legs, sitting her over his lap in a strong hug. 

 

Some minutes passed before she gain enough control to stop the tears and after she cleaned her face with the back of a hand, she tried to take deep and slow breaths. When he feels her relax against him, he moved a hand to her face and make her look to his eyes “Are you ok?”

She can feel a tear roll over her face, but nodded “Yes, I will be fine”

 

He didn’t let go of her face “I asked Joker to take the long route to the Citadel, all of us need some time, but you more than anyone. But if we have to spend our free time like this, can we move to your quarters?” She nodded again and started to stand up. When they are standing, he takes a handkerchief and cleaned her face with it “Let’s go, I’ll pick a bottle from my locker and we can drink until we fall asleep” She tried to fake a smile but failed “Sounds like a plan”.

 

They walked slowly, the crew members avoiding to look directly to them, giving the pair the space she needed. She can see Kaidan sending a message with his omnitool “Only letting Joker know that you are fine and to not disturb you until we are close to the Citadel” She passed a hand over her hair “Ok… I’m not good to command anyway” He stopped for a moment, closing his hands hard “We’ll talk about it later”. They entered her quarters and when she was seated on the bed, he leaves the room and returned some minutes later with a pair of glasses and a bottle of whisky.

 

He seats on the chair, filling the glasses with the liqueur and giving one to her on the bed. She emptied the glass in a single sip, her eyes closed and her body enjoying the heat moving through her. He smiled and refilled the glass “Easy there Shepard, that’s good stuff, you can at least try to savour it” She moved to the headboard and sits against it, taking a sip from her glass “Yes, good stuff, thanks Kaidan”

 

They enjoyed their drinks in silence for a while, and the alcohol was helping to relax her, at least a bit. He ended his glass and put it on her desk, moving to sit at her feet “Now that you are more calmer, we can talk about what happened?”

She let her glass on the nightstand and picks a holo photo of the three of them “What happened? I’ll let her to die, I let one the best friends I ever had die on my watch, and on top of that, it was my decision… MINE… to sacrifice Ashley”

He takes the photo from her hands and put it again at the nightstand, taking her hands “That’s not fair Shepard, not for you, not for me, and specially not for her”

 

She closed her eyes again, freeing her hands from his grasp and hugging again her legs “I know… she talked to me, while I’m on my way to you, she stopped to fight to talk to me. How can I live knowing I’m so important to her that she sacrificed her life for me without a blink? And even takes the time to try to cheer me up about it?” a single tear escaped from her eyes.

 

Kaidan moved beside her and put an arm over her shoulders “Because you’re worth it. Everyone on the crew will give their lives for you, because we know that you will give yours for any of us. We are a family, we take care of each other”

 

She leaned her face over her knees “I suffered enough for more than one life… first Mindoir, than Akuze, now Virmire… It’s like the universe only know how to give me pain and sorrow, and like the icing on the cake, I found someone to care about but can’t do a thing about it. I lived in the darkness for the last thirteen years, and every time I think of myself enjoying my life, the darkness came again to push me back. I’m beginning to lost the desire to fight it. Maybe if I stop searching for the light, the darkness will not grown every time I fall again”

 

He sighed, and let go of her, kneeling beside her opening his omnitool “I don’t like to be the one that survived while she died, I still need some time to understood what happened and digest it, but… she sent me a message while we are fighting Saren, do you want to read it?”

 

She let her head fall to the headboard, eyes closed and small tears falling. He takes a tissue and cleans her face before taking her face between his hands “Read it Faith, it will help, the message helped me to stop wishing my own end, I hope it do the same for you”

 

She swallowed her sorrow and opened her eyes, Kaidan so close that she can count the yellow and golden spots on his eyes. He let go of her face and instead moved behind her, moving her between his legs, leaning on his chest. He opened the omnitool and select the message, moving his arm over her knees to let her read it.

 

“Do not stand at my grave and weep:

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starshine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry:

I am not there; I did not die.

 

Kaidan, don’t blame yourself with my dead, it was a gift I made for you and Faith. Regs be damned, you two deserve all the happiness this universe can give you, and I’m sure that you will find it in her arms. Be the light of her life, show her that darkness can be broken and at the end, the brightest light will be waiting. And I will be with you in every step you made: I will be the perfume of the first flowers you give her, the flavour of the first meal you cook for her. I will be there, because I’m part of booth of you. See you on the other side, Kaidan, take care of her for me”

 

She sobbed soundly, her hands still around Kaidan’s arm “Why Ash… why you think of us in your lasts moments, always trying to amend my heart” He closed the message and hugged her “Because she loves us, like the big sister she was”

 

She shifted herself a bit to lean her face on his neck “How we are supposed to survive this, Kaidan?” He kissed her head “Together, if you want me at your side, in any way you need me” 

 

Shepard moves her head positioning herself just in front of him, her reddened gaze looking deeply to his eyes. She was losing the battle against her self control, the alcohol helping a bit, but she knew that her heart is the main suspect. She puts a hand on his face and closed her eyes for a moment, enjoying the feeling “I want you in my life Kaidan, not as a fellow soldier, but as something more… I fell for you time ago, almost from the first conversation. I always have the feeling that we are intended to meet, and dreamed of the day when you can see the love in my eyes and take my heart completely”

 

She let her eyes open, to find him smiling sweetly to her “I feel the same about you Faith. Ash always quoted me this:  _ ‘No sooner met but they looked, no sooner looked but they loved, no sooner loved, but they sighed, no sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason’ _ . She always said that is what she saw on us when we are together”

 

She leans her head to him, resting the forehead on his “I know she wants for us to be together, but I don’t want to let her dead push you in my arms for pity or regrets”

He cupped her face in his hands putting some distance between them “The only regret I have is to have taken so long to do this…” and then he kissed her, his lips brushing hers softly. Her brain stopped working and before she can do something to avoid it, she returns the kiss with all the passion on her heart. She tilt the head to one side, allowing her better access to his mouth, her tongue caressing his lips. He opened for her with a moan, their tongues fighting a war inside, pushing, circling. She moved her hands to his hair, drawing little circles at the base of his skull, moving one of her pinkies slowly to his amp port. A simple caress to the amp and he breaks the kiss moaning loudly “Faith… if you continue with this, I can’t vouch about my self control.

 

She straddle him, not moving her hands from her neck “Right now Kaidan, I need to feel alive and whole, and you’re the only person that can give me booth” He closed his eyes for a moment, pondering the situation, but can’t resist it anymore. He moved his hands to cup her ass, the new position letting her feel how aroused he was. They kissed again, hot and deep, and she moves in little circles over his erection. She can feel him losing the battle with his control, the hands on her ass squeezing harder with every breath they take. She can feel his biotics activating, like a blanket over her body, and before she can analyze the feeling, her body is lifted from the bed, a stasis field containing her. He left the bed and starts taking of the boots and uniform. When the only piece of cloth that left were the briefs, he moved her to the center of the bed, positioning the head on the pillows, and breaking the stasis field. Without a word, he started to undress her, slowly, first the boots, then the socks. He moved to her pants, fighting a bit with the belt, and planting kisses in every part of skin that shows under the cloth. When the pants are gone, he starts the way upside again, for every kiss he plants, he bites her legs and then lick the area to soothe the feeling. She was moaning loudly, grasping the sheets on her fists. When he arrived to the crock of her legs, he plants a kiss over her panties “Later I will be there relishing in your flavour” She had to bit her lower lip to avoid a hard moan. He moved his hands over her abs, moving the shirt upside with him, until his fingers found the hem of her bra. Something like a growl sounded from him when his hands cupped her lace covered breasts. She arched her back when his thumbs traced a circular pattern over her nipples, barely controlling her biotics. His hands left her breasts to take the hem of her shirt, moving it slowly from her body, leaving her in her underwear. 

 

He sat on his heels for a moment, enjoying the view, Shepard flushed and wanton on the bed under him. She enjoyed the moment too, but have an idea about what to do next, and when he leaned over her, crashing their lips together, she used the momentum to turn him and change positions “My turn”

 

With her hands caressing his pectorals, she moved over his face, kissing and nipping in her way to the neck. She can’t fight it anymore, and bite him hard enough to leave a mark, just where the neck and the shoulder joined. Her tongue lavished the bite while Kaidan’s breaths became more erratic. She moved down, slowly, letting her breast move over his body, her lips and tongue playing with his nipples, and when she moved to her abs, she nibbled softly, a trail of kisses over the road of hair that guide to his core. She positioned herself between his legs, and take the hem of his briefs with her mouth, moving it enough to free his erection. She tooks his length in her hand, her tongue flat on the tip, and when a low moan left him, she takes him on her mouth, moving slowly up and down, biting softly the tip of his member “God Faith… I can’t take it anymore” She let him go and placed a kiss on the tip with a mischievous smile before crawling towards him “I dreamed of this for so long, you are so gorgeous Kaidan”. He takes her mouth in a hungry kiss, his hands moving along her back, unclasping her bra in a swift movement and sliding a hand under her panties. He shifted their positions, towering above her “You drive me crazy Faith, from the first moment I saw you” He moved a hand between them to take of her bra completely “and now I want to taste you, every part of you”.

She was lost in the feeling, the heat of his body feels like home, his perfect mixing of scents, aftershave, eezo and purely Kaidan, was driving her crazy with passion. When he started to move lower her body, sucking greedily her nipple while his hand pinched the other one, her back arching in pleasure. He changed his focus to the other nipple, while his hands worked to take off her panties from her body. He moved between the valley of her breasts, leaving wet kisses while moving to her belly, and at a slowly pace, moving to her core. She was panting before his breath caressed her labia, and when he used his fingers to explore her folds, her brain stop working. She moaned as her hands coiled into the bedsheets, her hip trembling. He explored her folds with his tongue, fingers penetrating her at a slow pace. When his tongue starts to circle her clit, turning her in a trembling mess, low moans leaving her mouth “Please, no more, I need you…”

 

Kaidan put a last kiss on her clit before moving to her face, his hands moving to her back, cupping her ass while positioning himself at her entrance “I never been so turned on with anyone Faith” She kissed him passionately, tongues playing, her own flavour mixing with Kaidan’s, turning her even more “I don’t think I need to explain to you what are you making me feel, I never feel this way before”. Whit a low growl, he used the grab in her ass to move her, driving himself in her slowly. Both of them cried out, the sensation overwhelming their senses, their biotics flaring in unison, adding a new layer of pleasure. Faith wound her legs around his waist, and he moved them to a seating position, biting her neck hard, lost in the passion of the moment. He pulled her tightly against him, the new angle driving him deeper on her. When she started to scratch her back with her nails, he started to pound harder into her “Yes Kaidan, harder, please!” The words were interlaced with moans of pleasure and he lost the little control that was left in him, pinning her to the mattress and pounding as hard and quick as he can. She free her legs from his back, moving the up and grasping her own knees, changing the angle again, giving him even more access to her core. The pair of them are very close to fall, but didn’t care. He changed the movement a bit, to gain more contact to her clit with every move, giving her the last push over the precipice of pleasure, his name leaving her mouth like a mantra, while her inner walls milked him to the final release. They can feel their hearts explode with love and passion, fireworks behind their closed eyes while their biotics exploded without control. 

When their breaths calmed a bit, he reluctantly unsheathed himself from her, but didn’t let go of her body, wrapping himself in a bear hug. She smiled against his chest and hugged him, moving a leg between his. After some minutes simply enjoying the moment, she leaned on her elbow to watch him in the eyes “Kaidan…” her other hand moved to his cheek, the thumb caressing his cheek bone “that was simply marvelous. Being with you is like finding a missed piece of my soul, how is that possible?”

He kissed her, sweetly and slowly, a hand cupping the back of her head and playing with her red hair “Because we are, I feel alive at you side, you complete me… you make me feel human”

The warm exploding on her chest is totally new to Faith, but she feel so happy and sated and complete that she can’t swallow the words leaving her mouth “I love you”

He stopped his hand on her head and closed his eyes, fear moving slowly over Faith, but before she can say something more, he kissed her with a passion renewed, sinking her to the mattress again “I love you too, I think always had, even when I didn’t knew you”

She smiled happily and wrapped herself on him, pushing him a bit to let her talk “I feel sad and happy at the same time, but I know that I love you. Thinking about Ash… I can hear her whispering to us with an  _ ‘about time, Skipper’ _ ” He laughed over her and kissed her nose “Yeah, that's sounds like Ash”

She kissed him again, moving her mouth over his jaw to his neck, biting and kissing “Stay with me tonight, Kaidan” He takes her lobe on his mouth giving a soft bite “I’m yours to command, Faith”.


End file.
